Hello from the new Mrs. Steele!

I'm finally sitting down to write my first blog post as Mrs. Steele. I'm a married woman now! I can't even being to tell you how many times I find myself just giddy with excitement. Marriage so far has been treating me very, very well. And that's all because I have the most amazing husband in the entire world.Just tonight, after a long day at work, I came home to my husband who had cooked dinner, set the table, and finished the laundry.  I'm extremely blessed not because of the amazing things that Mitchell does for me (although they are very sweet!) but simply because of who he is. :)

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It's been so long since I've written an update, where did I even leave off the last time? I suppose it was right before Mitchell and I were getting ready to leave Belmont. Oh man. What a bittersweet time that was! On the one hand, I was extremely happy to be leaving college. There were so many exciting things ahead. But I have to admit that there was a piece of me that was feeling nostalgic. After all, that's where we met each other, that's where we fell in love, and that's where all of our best friends still go to school. There's no doubt about it that Belmont blessed both of our lives. Both of our families were able to make it to Nashville for graduation. I'm so glad they were all here. There was one person in particular though, who was missed very much. My dad. Oh man. Just typing that brings tears to my eyes. I remember being backstage, ready to march in with the other graduates and a hall monitor said to us, "isn't this the happiest day of your life?" At that moment, that's not what I was thinking. I wished more than anything that my dad could be there to see me graduate from college. I cried throughout the entire ceremony, but I ran with Randy across that stage and I know how proud my dad was!

That same weekend, we had to move all of our stuff out of Belmont and into our new home in Brentwood. How exciting.....our first home together! We found our place a few months earlier but it all started to become so real once we started moving our own things into this empty apartment. So full of hope and possibilities! Our families helped so much with the moving, the organizing, and the settling in. Box by box we're making this new house into a home. :) One of my favorite things about our new home is the furniture we got from my old house. Mom gave us the living room furniture and it's now in Mitchell and I's living room. I told Mitchell the other day that it feels like a piece of my childhood home is in our home now. It may sound silly or morbid (or maybe both) but our furniture reminds me of my dad. Because there were so many nights I remember sitting with him on that couch watching tv or talking. That's where he would sit late at night and read. Now every time I sit in that couch or see if once I walk through the door, it feels a little bit like the home my parents created for me when I lived with him. And I can't really explain it all that well, but it blesses my heart more than words can say to have that special touch in our new home as a new family just starting out.

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Let's see....so we graduated and started moving, then we stopped moving, flew home to Minnesota and got married! Quite honestly, I don't even know where to begin when trying to document or talk about our wedding weekend. In some ways it was a blur, and absolute blur. But then in other ways, I remember it all so clearly, and thinking about it, I just can't help but cry. It was a weekend full of love. Truly, I have never felt God's love so strongly in my life than I did on our wedding day. I've also never ever felt my dad's presence so strongly since he's been gone than I did that day, and that whole weekend. To have our entire family together was fun in and of itself, but to be together for such an amazing occasion, made it all the more special.

Okay, so let's be real for just one hot second. Since November 1st, planning a wedding changed dramatically. It became an extremely bittersweet thing to do. On one hand, I was excited and so happy to be marrying the man I love so much. But there's this huge pain that comes with it in knowing that my dad wasn't going to be there to walk me down the aisle or dance with me or give me away. NO ONE pictures their wedding day without their dad. I certainly never did, and yet, that was my reality on May 23rd.

Even so, God's grace is greater still. As I was having one of my many meltdowns leading up to the wedding (always started with a freak out and ended in uncontrollable sobs about how much I missed my dad and wanted him to be here), it was the first time I felt as if my daddy was speaking to me. Directly to me. Mitchell and I were driving around running errands and I had gotten really quite and introverted trying to process and calm myself down when I felt my dad say to me, "Emily, tomorrow, you're going to get a taste, just a small taste of where I am right now. You're going to see how amazing heaven is, and you're going to want to come meet me here, not have me come back there. Just wait and see."

Boy, was he right. Our wedding day was a taste of heaven. It really was. I've never been so overwhelmed with God's love for me, with my love for Mitchell, my love for my family, and my love for Jesus. I was in tears most of the day because it's so much more amazing than anyone can ever put into words. I'm so incredibly blessed that God wrote such an amazing chapter in my story, that I get to be a wife, and experience this kind of love and grace on a daily basis with my husband......it just serves as a daily reminder of God's amazing love for me!!! As Tyler was walking me down the aisle, I felt my dad in my heart. As he gave me away, I felt my dad right there with us. As all of the amazing men in my life took turns honoring my dad by dancing with me, I felt him there. Even though I couldn't see him, I could feel him. And the love I felt that day from my dad was so much stronger than the love I felt when he was here on earth. I didn't need any proof of heaven, but if I did, that would've been it. I'm so thankful that God allowed me to experience that and hear my dad in that way.

To everyone who was at our wedding, I hope you were able to feel and experience the love of God in some way, shape, or form. That was our prayer all along. Thank you for all of your well wishes, your love, your prayers, and your support. It really truly was the best day of both of our lives, and it's a day we'll relive forever and ever until we too get to enter heaven's gates as the Bride of Christ. :)

Mitchell surprised me by taking me on a honeymoon to an unknown location! I had no idea where we were going and he was able to keep the surprise for quite a while.....until we actually got to our resort! We spent a week in the beautiful and amazing Riviera Maya, Mexico. It was an absolute dream and we've already vowed to go back at least once. I spent the better part of the week floating in the pool (complete with a Tiki Bar!) with my new husband.......it truly was paradise!

We came home just in time to help mom and Matthew get ready for Matthew's graduation party. I remember waking up one morning and looking into Matthew's bedroom to see him still sound asleep. Immediately I thought, "shouldn't he be at school?!" I guess my mind still hasn't accepted the fact that my little brother has graduated high school! Where did the time go?! In all seriousness though, I've said it once and I'll say it again- I'm so proud of Matthew and the way he has stepped up and taken care of mom. He's really become the man of the house, and I know that dad would be so incredibly proud of him and the man he's becoming. I love my little bro so much, and I know he knows that, because I tell him all of the time (and sometimes he says it back!!!)

All to soon, it was time for Mitchell and I to head back to Nashville and "face reality" as they say. I'll admit that this time leaving home was more emotional than I expected. Maybe it's because we had always known that we'd be home for the wedding and graduation, and now that all of that was over, it felt like we were really setting off on our own. That's exciting, but it's also scary as hell because if we're honest, Mitchell and I have no idea what we're getting ourselves into. We're taking it one day at a time. Thanks be to God that we have amazing family to help us along the way. We packed up in Minnesota and set off for our new life as Mr and Mrs. After two days of driving back to Nashville, we arrived at our new home......

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Since then our life has consisted of unpacking, organizing, decluttering, and lots and lots of runs to Target. :) Like I said earlier, box after box, this place is really feeling like home. Adding some of our own personal touches has helped with the homey feeling. I love coming home to this place and to a husband like Mitchell. Awww.....taking a moment to be blissfully happy about my life..............

Mitchell started working full-time for Rarespark Media Group. He started as an intern there last year and we are very grateful that they asked him to come back full-time. He's doing what he loves and he's great at it. I just love seeing the way his face lights up when he talks about what he gets to do every day! It fires ME up when I see him so fired up! He works with great people and it's an amazing job he has there. Very blessed by that opportunity for sure! I just started this week as a Customer Service Associate at Bath & Body Works. Those that know me well know the irony of this situation.....my bathroom cabinet LOOKS like a Bath & Body Works store. Seriously obsessed. I can't really say much because I've only been there a week, but so far so good. I'm learning as best as I can and I really enjoy being able to share the products I love with customers on a daily basis.

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Quite honestly though, besides being newly married, the thing I'm most excited about is the fact that Mitchell and I worked our way up to Advisor level with AdvoCare. We feel very fortunate to have been able to share with some of you out there about the amazing opportunity we see with this amazing company and the way it has positively impacted our life. AdvoCare is allowing us to build our own business just by sharing what these amazing products have been able to do for us. Plus, the extra income is helping to cover our monthly expenses. Let's face it- my husband works in the entertainment industry, and I work retail. The extra income is definitely going to help us out! I'm so fired up about this opportunity and we are LOVING the way AdvoCare has become a part of our daily routine. Really truly we've never felt healthier and more energized. We are both really, really excited about this.

One of the things AdvoCare has to offer is the 24 Day Challenge. Right now, we are on Day 6 of our Cleanse Phase and we are feeling awesome! :) We're so anxious to see the results on Day 24, but so far so good!

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So.....that's about it for right now. There was just a quick snapshot of life the last few months. Lots of changes and lots of exciting things happening. Day by day, minute by minute, I'm calling on Jesus for strength, guidance, and peace, and every single time He is there for me. This life isn't perfect, this life isn't easy, and this life hurts like a bitch sometimes. But at the beginning of the day, at the end of the day, and in moments in between, I know that God has immeasurably blessed me with the life I have. God has been good to me. 

Until next time, 

Emily Berndt Steele 

PS: Yes, I'll be going by Emily Berndt Steele. I wasn't ready to give up my dad's name. :) 

A God-given Pursuit

The Lord works in such mysterious, amazing ways, doesn't He? What seems completely random to me at times, never is random. There is no one more intentional about His plans and ways of revealing things to me than God Himself. Nothing He does is ever random.

I was reminded of this truth today as I was doing my daily devotions. My mom bought me Jesus Calling so I had gotten into the habit of reading it every day. Today, as I finished up the reading, I decided to flip back to some of the dates that I had missed from earlier in the year. It seemed completely random to me that I would flip to the reading for March 8th- but God knew that I needed to hear the message on this page.....He knew my heart needed these words:

"Save your best striving for seeking My Face. I am constantly communicating with you. To find Me and hear My voice, you must seek Me above all else. Anything that you desire more than Me becomes an idol. When you are determined to get your own way, you blot Me out of your consciousness. Instead of single-mindedly pursuing some goal, talk with Me about it. Let the Light of my Presence shine on this pursuit so that you can see it from My perspective. If the goal fits into My plans for you, I will help you reach it. If it is contrary to My will for you, I will gradually change the desire of your heart. Seek me first and foremost: then the rest of your life will fall into place, piece by piece." 

For those of you just tuning in, I announced on my blog about a week ago that there are some exciting things coming up for Mitchell and I. No, I am not pregnant and yes, we are still planning on getting married, and no we are not moving. There are some exciting dreams God has placed on our hearts and we can't wait to share where God is leading us and the pursuit He has placed on my heart. 

The reason I wanted to share this reading with you all today was because this dream, this goal is so much different from anything else I've ever pursued. It's something I never ever would've considered before. I never thought I could. I never thought I had what it takes. The fact that I'm even going for this full-force is a testament to how God has been working in my heart. On my own, I would be way too afraid and intimidated to try anything like this, but God knows me better than I know myself. He knows the plans He has for me, and He will help me every step of the way. Piece by piece, things are falling into place, just like God promised it would.

 This is such a "God-led" thing- it's unbelievable. Every part of this story has been written and planned by God and I absolutely can't wait to share what we're up to with all of you! Soon- I promise! For now, keep praying as we are making our way into something new and exciting and unknown! I can't wait to see what God is going to do through us! 

BIG, EXCITING THINGS....COMING SOON!!

The message at Cross Point Community Church​ tonight left me feeling inspired and ready to face my fears head on! So many times I ask myself the question, "is God trying to lead me into something?" but often times I just brush it off and say its just another one of my crazy ideas- God could never REALLY use me to do something big. I'm so thankful for my pastor challenging me in my thinking.

Recently I've been feeling inspired to try something NEW and DIFFERENT, but I'm a little nervous about it. In fact, the fear of failing at it or not being good enough, or not "having what it takes" are all thoughts that definitely keep me up at night tossing and turning, doubting myself and my dreams to dive into this new, exciting adventure! Tonight, I decided to take the first step, after some very gentle encouragement from Mitchell​ telling me, "babe, this is exactly what you need to do!" Mr. Skeptic himself even thought it was the right move.

I'm trusting God with all of the "what ifs" that plague my mind with fear, and I'm letting go of my feelings of inadequacy because if God calls you to do something, He'll give you everything you need to do it! I'm SOOO excited to announce what this NEW, EXCITING dream is VERY SOON!

First, I'm going to focus on graduating, moving, and getting married.

Big things, exciting things, coming VERY VERY SOON! Prayers are definitely much appreciated. :)

God Knows Me Better

Sometimes I think I know myself pretty well. Then I remember that the One who created me knows me even better than that. He knows the parts I don't want anyone to know and loves me anyway. The maker of my heart knows my heart. And He knows yours too.

I'm a person who loves to be understood and known. I'm thankful that the one who made me the way I am knows me better than anyone.

Life is Better in the Light

I really I hope I don't jink it by saying this but, I think spring is officially here in Nashville! How do I know this? Well, I'm currently sitting outside in the green grass wearing nothing but a sundress next to a fountain this is NO LONGER FROZEN! Sundresses and green grass mean spring in my book. Mitchell left me on this perfect spot on the lawn to go work on a group project, but before he left, he told me, "just let yourself enjoy your time in the sun." As he said this, it dawned on me. I'm the only one standing in my own way of enjoying my time in the sun.

How crazy am I that I wouldn't' want to go outside on a day like today when it's 70 degrees and sunny without a single cloud in the sky? 15 minutes ago I was laying in my bed in the same position I had been in for over 3 hours. Depressed and just tired. Why? I guess I'm tired because that's what college does to you, but I think I'm tired because I've been in survival mode for the past few months. I'm depressed because I miss my dad. Mitchell bless his heart tries his best to make me go outside on days like today and enjoy the sun. And as hard as I try to stay under the covers where it's "safe", I always end up happier when I feel the sun on my skin and smell the green grass. Life is better when we get out of our own way, come out from under the covers and give ourselves permission to enjoy life in the sun.  Life is better in the sun. Life is better in the light.

As I sit here in the sun, I realized something else. A part of me, maybe even a subconscious part of me felt as if it was too early to feel happy. Like it's too soon for me to enjoy my time in the sun. After all, I'm still grieving. What kind of daughter would I be if I was able to be happy so soon after tragically losing my dad? I look up to the sky and I'm almost ashamed that I've given myself permission to enjoy a day like today.

Then, it hits my heart that enjoying my time in the sun is exactly what my dad would want me to do! That's what he is doing right now- enjoying his time in the presence of the Light! Perhaps it is a way of honoring him and the God who created such beautiful things to enjoy days like this and take in every moment like this. So I put to rest the thought inside of me that says its too soon to enjoy my time in the sun, and I lay back and bask in the sunshine and enjoy rest in the Light. Because after all, life really is better in the Light.

Choose light my friends, even when the darkness is overpowering. The light is closer than you think, and if you're blessed like me, there are people in your life just waiting to take you by the hand and lead you to a safe spot in the grass, where the light can shine on your face and you too can enjoy your time in the sun.

Sending you all love and sunshine.

-Emily

Opportunity for great JOY

Mitchell and I are on our way home to Minnesota for spring break! Yay! I'm so excited to be headed home to where, ironically, it's actually warming than the current temperatures in Nashville! :)

It surprised us both how busy the airport is at 5am on a Saturday morning, then we remembered it is spring break time and everyone is dying to get somewhere warmer. Not many go to Minnesota seeking warmth, but alas, here we are. I'm flying with Randy today!

Sitting at our gate, I decided it was as good a time as any to do my daily devos and reading from Jesus Calling. A passage from James spoke to me today:

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For we know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." -James 1:3-4

I can't think of a time in my life when my faith has been tested more than its been tested these last few months without my dad. I've questioned and been angry; I've been depressed and sad, but I've also been able to feel joy because of the memories I have in my heart. It challenges me so deeply when the Bible says to consider this trial an opportunity for great joy. How in the world does that make any sense?

Then I skimmed down to the commentary of these verses and what that said brought tears to my eyes.

"The point is not to pretend to be happy when we face pain but to have a positive outlook because of what troubles can produce in our life."

Now THAT makes sense! Suddenly, this new perspective on these verses lifted this huge weight off of my shoulders created by this notion that in order to be a good Christian witness, I had to pretend to be happy even amidst the deep pain I feel every single day. How wrong I was about that!

I don't have to pretend to be happy about the loss of my dad. Let me just tell you, I'm SO not happy about it. I'm nowhere near happy about it! But, it is important to have a positive outlook despite our circumstances. There is opportunity for faith to grow from pain. You know who helps me keep this positive perspective and lives out this growing faith? My mom.

She's not at all happy with this card we were dealt either, but she is clinging to the Lord with all of her might and keeps things so positive by talking about all of the good memories we had, and the faithfulness of God throughout this time. Our faith has been tested without a doubt, but it's also been a blessing to see and feel our faith grow deeper.

How much deeper our faith has become, and that gives my heart so much joy. Joy that doesn't even make sense! Because of this joy, I can smile when I think of my dad. Because of this joy, I can cry happy tears thinking of the day when I get to see him again. Thank you Jesus for this opportunity for great joy!

I am weak; He is strong

I can't believe it is already that time of the semester where we're all cramming and studying for midterms! Midterms! That means only 8 weeks left of my entire college career. Let me take a moment to really let that sink in......

Not only is it midterms time, but I developed what is shaping up to be the worst cold I've had in a long, long time. It took me by surprise after a long weekend in Florida with Matthew, mom and Carmen.

I guess I should be thankful that I didn't have to spend the entire weekend in bed sick, but still, I find myself asking the question, "God, WHY do I have to be sick this week?" Pick any other week and I'll deal with this cold as just a minor inconvenience, but this week....it's all together too much for me to handle. I need to be spending time studying, NOT sleeping and blowing my nose every 10 seconds! Then, I end up stressing about how much I have to do and how I feel too sick to get it all done. I sound like a whiney baby don't I?

Then, it hit me while I was sitting feeling sorry for myself. I was regressing back into one of my old habits of relying on my own strength instead of God's supernatural strength. It happens every once in while. I get this idea in my head that I can do this whole life thing on my own. Not true.

I'm starting to see this week in a different light. Perhaps its a lesson God is trying to teach me by giving me no other option but to rely solely on Him. He knew that this cold at this time would leave me with no choice but to completely rely and trust in Him to get me through. When I am weak, He is my strength. When I am sick, He is my healer. When I am stressed, He is my peace.