Depression. It’s a scary thing. Nobody really likes to talk about it. If you have it or have had it, you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up. Those who have never had it don’t feel comfortable bringing it up either. It makes me so sad to know that there are people in this world hurting more than we can imagine. If only we were brave enough to say something! We could be the person that breathes hope into an otherwise hopeless situation.
There is just so much I could say about this subject. Let me start off this post by saying that suicide is NEVER the answer. Ever, ever, ever. I am speaking from personal experience that suicide causes more pain for those you leave behind. Life is tough and it can kick you down so hard, but suicide is an idea from the enemy. Suicide is proof that the devil has worked his way into your heart and convinced you that there is no way out of your pain. The devil wants nothing more than to see us suffer, that’s why he tells us we’re trapped in our misery. I myself felt the enemy trying to work his way into my heart when I was struggling with depression. He tried to take away any hope I had. He tried to convince me that my family and friends wouldn’t miss me. He tried to convince me that if I were to take my own life, I could take my pain away. Lies, Lies, and more lies! The enemy is a liar- its what he does and its who he is. He seeks to destroy us because God loves us. The devil hates what God loves-that’s what makes them enemies! PLEASE don’t buy into the trap that you’re only option is to end your own life. There is HOPE and God always has a way out. Suicide is never God’s way out. God is the very giver of life! He gave us all LIFE to live and He is Healer of all. He can heal a mental illness. Suicide isn’t a cure; it's a very painful, very permanent reaction to the pain a mental illness can cause.
Almost a year ago, I lost someone close to me to suicide. I had NO idea he was struggling as much as he was. That was the worst part. I considered myself to be his friend and I had no idea of the pain he was feeling. The enemy was attacking is heart and trying to convince him that he had no way out of the pain he was feeling. I wish more than anything in the world that I could tell him “it's a lie!” God only knows why my eyes weren’t opened to the pain he was facing, but my heart still breaks every time I think about him. If only someone could’ve spoken hope into his life. If only he knew that there was a way out! If only he felt safe to talk about his struggles. The world we live in creates a negative stigma for those struggling with mental illnesses. We simply don’t like talking about it. If only we TALKED about it and created an environment for those struggling to ask for HELP! We need to start talking about it. I’m so sick and tired of reading stories and hearing of people taking their own lives. It is unnecessary and preventable!
More times than not, those who take their own lives are individuals struggling with some sort of mental illness. That’s right, and ILLNESS. It is a medical condition that needs and deserves MEDICAL attention. One of the things I felt when I was struggling was that it was just a “get over it” thing. But the thing was, I couldn’t bring myself to just get over it by myself. I struggled for months all alone to try and shake the sad feeling, but when it's a medical illness, you can’t just wish it away! I needed help and so many others need help, too. We should never and I repeat never be telling people with a mental illness that they need to “suck it up” or “get over it” or to “just be happy”. The thing is, those struggling are TRYING to suck it up and get over it, but the reality is, they just can’t on their own. They need our help. They need support. They need hope. Most of all they need love.
Its so hard because it is a subject nobody likes to sit around and talk about, and its not something we want to bring up, but the reality is, if we want to silence the stigma and stop suicide from happening, WE NEED TO START THE CONVERSATION. There are several things that I have had people ask me about my own struggle with depression. I know they were worried about offending me by asking these questions, but I was glad they asked. I was so happy they took the time to start the conversation with me about my struggle. Here are the top 6 things I was asked:
1. “How did you know you were depressed?”
At first, I had no idea I was depressed. For me, it started out as a gradual decline. I didn’t wake up one morning sad and BOOM I was depressed. No, it happened over the course of a few months. I started to feel tired-over tired. I wanted nothing more than to sleep all of the time. I would go to school, come home and sleep, sometimes too tired to even eat dinner. I was too tired to work out, I started gaining weight, and I felt like I was having a “down in the dumps” day every day.
Before I knew what was happening, I started to cry, and for a year, I really didn’t stop. I cried myself to sleep, I cried in the shower, I cried while putting my makeup on, so I stopped wearing it. I cried in class, I cried in the school hallways. I cried for no particular reason. People would ask me what was wrong and when I said, “I don’t know, just everything.” I was telling the truth! Everything made me sad, and I couldn’t tell you what specifically was making me cry. After a year of struggling and a year of crying, I started to realize that something was wrong. I looked back at pictures and saw a drastic change in my appearance, I was heavier, I was sadder, I just looked hopeless.
My friend Mary stood by me throughout this whole time and was able to see this happening to me. She finally was able to get me to admit that something wasn’t right and that I was struggling to “get over it”. She helped me realize that I couldn't and shouldn't do it alone. I needed to ask my parents for help. One night, I had finally had it! My younger brother Matthew and I were fighting and that’s when I lost it, I started to SOB to my dad and it eventually came out, “I need help! This isn’t right. My life is a mess and I need you to HELP ME!”
2. What does being depressed feel like?
Simply put, it feels depressing. You feel hopeless, you feel sad. You feel sad for no reason at all or you feel sad for every single reason in the whole world. I felt like I was on this roller coaster of emotion and I didn’t feel like I was in control of my feelings. I felt like they were controlling ME. I was letting my feelings make me sad all of the time. I wasn’t able to be happy about anything. I was tired beyond normal and wanted nothing more than to just crawl into my bed and just never wake up. I felt like the world was too hard to face and my life wasn’t worth anything to anyone. I couldn’t stop myself from crying when the tears came, and I had no idea what to do.
3. What did your friends and family do?
My friend Mary stood by me throughout this whole time and was able to see this happening to me. She finally was able to get me to admit that something wasn’t right and that I was struggling to “get over it”. She helped me realize that I couldn't and shouldn't do it alone. I needed to ask my parents for help. One night, I had finally had it! My younger brother Matthew and I were fighting and that’s when I lost it, I started to SOB to my dad and it eventually came out, “I need help! This isn’t right. My life is a mess and I need you to HELP ME!”
2. What does being depressed feel like?
Simply put, it feels depressing. You feel hopeless, you feel sad. You feel sad for no reason at all or you feel sad for every single reason in the whole world. I felt like I was on this roller coaster of emotion and I didn’t feel like I was in control of my feelings. I felt like they were controlling ME. I was letting my feelings make me sad all of the time. I wasn’t able to be happy about anything. I was tired beyond normal and wanted nothing more than to just crawl into my bed and just never wake up. I felt like the world was too hard to face and my life wasn’t worth anything to anyone. I couldn’t stop myself from crying when the tears came, and I had no idea what to do.
3. What did your friends and family do?
To be honest, I don’t think they had any idea WHAT to do. They were around me every single day and so the changes probably weren’t very drastic to them. Ever so slowly I slipped into depression and by the time they noticed it happening, I had hit rock bottom. Once they knew that I was struggling, they were the ones there to help pick me back up. They surrounded me with love and support and created an environment where I felt comfortable asking for help and felt like I wouldn’t be judged, but I would be loved unconditionally. They celebrated little victories-like on days when I would only spend 4 hours of my day crying! They stood by me and made themselves available to talk if I needed it. I am grateful my good friend Mary was able to help me come to a place where I was able to ask for help, but I know some people who struggle don’t have someone like her. I wish someone would’ve noticed sooner, but I’m extremely blessed that someone noticed at all. It breaks my heart to know that some people don’t get noticed in time.
4. How/when did you finally get help?
4. How/when did you finally get help?
It all started with a fight with my brother! I was screaming and sobbing and had no idea what I was saying, and it all of a sudden slipped out of my mouth, “dad I need you to HELP ME!!! I NEED HELP!!!” I probably freaked him out real good. That night, I sat down with my parents and my friend Mary came over. I told them that I had been struggling for so long and I was tired. I was tired of being tired. I was tired of being sad. I wanted to seek professional help and they agreed to help me make it happen. I went to see a doctor the next day and was referred to a psychiatrist at our local hospital. I was diagnosed with clinical depression that day. There was a chemical imbalance in my brain that needed to be corrected. It wasn’t something she told me to get over. Instead, she was able to prescribe a antidepressant for me and within a couple months, I felt like a new person. Through the medicine she prescribed and the love and support of my friends and family, I was able to bounce back rapidly, and I haven’t been back to that dark place since. I'm not saying medicine is the answer for everyone, but for my clinical depression, I needed the medicine to correct the imbalance in my brain.
5. What can I do if I know someone who is struggling?
LOVE THEM! Whatever you do, don’t just do nothing because you feel uncomfortable. That person needs to know that they have someone to be there for them. Let them know that you are there. Ask them if you can help. Don’t leave them alone to struggle. Don't assume they'll just get over it on their own. Help them when they ask. Just be a friend and love them well. Do whatever you can to let them know that there is hope!
6. If I know someone struggling, how do I love them well?
Pray for them. Pray with them. Support them and defend them when needed. Be there to listen if they need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. Go with them to seek help if they need the moral support. Check in on them regularly. Don’t avoid them. Be present and be intentional. They need you and you can save a life!
Just today I read a very interesting article about the myths of suicide and mental illnesses.
From: http://www.afsp.org/news-events/in-the-news/understanding-suicide-myth-vs.-fact
5. What can I do if I know someone who is struggling?
LOVE THEM! Whatever you do, don’t just do nothing because you feel uncomfortable. That person needs to know that they have someone to be there for them. Let them know that you are there. Ask them if you can help. Don’t leave them alone to struggle. Don't assume they'll just get over it on their own. Help them when they ask. Just be a friend and love them well. Do whatever you can to let them know that there is hope!
6. If I know someone struggling, how do I love them well?
Pray for them. Pray with them. Support them and defend them when needed. Be there to listen if they need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. Go with them to seek help if they need the moral support. Check in on them regularly. Don’t avoid them. Be present and be intentional. They need you and you can save a life!
Just today I read a very interesting article about the myths of suicide and mental illnesses.
From: http://www.afsp.org/news-events/in-the-news/understanding-suicide-myth-vs.-fact
Understanding Suicide: Myth vs. Fact
09/06/2013
Suicide is a serious public health problem that takes an enormous toll on families, friends, classmates, co-workers and communities, as well as on our military personnel and veterans.
To understand why people die by suicide, and why so many others attempt to take their own lives, it is important to know the facts. Please read the facts about suicide below and share them with others.
Myth: Suicide can’t be prevented. If someone is set on taking their own life, there is nothing that can be done to stop them.
Fact: Suicide is preventable. The vast majority of people contemplating suicide don’t really want to die. They are seeking an end to intense mental and/or physical pain. Most have a mental illness. Interventions can save lives.
Myth: People who take their own life are selfish, cowards, weak or are just looking for “attention.”
Fact: More than 90% of people who take their own life have at least one and often more than one treatable mental illness such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and/or alcohol and substance abuse. With better recognition and treatment many suicides can be prevented.
Myth: Asking someone if they are thinking about suicide will put the idea in their head and cause them to act on it.
Fact: When you fear someone you know is in crisis or depressed, asking them if they are thinking about suicide can actually help. By giving a person an opportunity to open up and share their troubles you can help alleviate their pain and find solutions.
Myth: Teenagers and college students are the most at risk for suicide.
Fact: The suicide rate for this age group is below the national average. Suicide risk increases with age. Currently, the age group with the highest suicide rate in the U.S. is middle-aged men and women between the ages of 45 and 64. The suicide rate is still highest among white men over the age of 65.
Myth: Barriers on bridges, safe firearm storage and other actions to reduce access to lethal methods of suicide don’t work. People will just find another way.
Fact: Limiting access to lethal methods of suicide is one of the best strategies for suicide prevention. Many suicides can be impulsive and triggered by an immediate crisis. Separating someone in crisis from a lethal method (e.g., a firearm) can give them something they desperately need: time. Time to change their mind, time to resolve the crisis, time for someone to intervene.
Myth: Someone making suicidal threats won’t really do it, they are just looking for attention.
Fact: Those who talk about suicide or express thoughts about wanting to die, are at risk for suicide and need your attention. Most people who die by suicide give some indication or warning. Take all threats of suicide seriously. Even if you think they are just “crying for help”—a cry for help, is a cry for help—so help.
Myth: Talk therapy and/or medications don’t work.
Fact: Treatment can work. One of the best ways to prevent suicide is by getting treatment for mental illnesses such as depression, bipolar illness and/or substance abuse and learning ways to solve problems. Finding the best treatment can take some time, and the right treatment can greatly reduce risk of suicide. In fact, it can bring you back your life.
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