Life is Better in the Light

I really I hope I don't jink it by saying this but, I think spring is officially here in Nashville! How do I know this? Well, I'm currently sitting outside in the green grass wearing nothing but a sundress next to a fountain this is NO LONGER FROZEN! Sundresses and green grass mean spring in my book. Mitchell left me on this perfect spot on the lawn to go work on a group project, but before he left, he told me, "just let yourself enjoy your time in the sun." As he said this, it dawned on me. I'm the only one standing in my own way of enjoying my time in the sun.

How crazy am I that I wouldn't' want to go outside on a day like today when it's 70 degrees and sunny without a single cloud in the sky? 15 minutes ago I was laying in my bed in the same position I had been in for over 3 hours. Depressed and just tired. Why? I guess I'm tired because that's what college does to you, but I think I'm tired because I've been in survival mode for the past few months. I'm depressed because I miss my dad. Mitchell bless his heart tries his best to make me go outside on days like today and enjoy the sun. And as hard as I try to stay under the covers where it's "safe", I always end up happier when I feel the sun on my skin and smell the green grass. Life is better when we get out of our own way, come out from under the covers and give ourselves permission to enjoy life in the sun.  Life is better in the sun. Life is better in the light.

As I sit here in the sun, I realized something else. A part of me, maybe even a subconscious part of me felt as if it was too early to feel happy. Like it's too soon for me to enjoy my time in the sun. After all, I'm still grieving. What kind of daughter would I be if I was able to be happy so soon after tragically losing my dad? I look up to the sky and I'm almost ashamed that I've given myself permission to enjoy a day like today.

Then, it hits my heart that enjoying my time in the sun is exactly what my dad would want me to do! That's what he is doing right now- enjoying his time in the presence of the Light! Perhaps it is a way of honoring him and the God who created such beautiful things to enjoy days like this and take in every moment like this. So I put to rest the thought inside of me that says its too soon to enjoy my time in the sun, and I lay back and bask in the sunshine and enjoy rest in the Light. Because after all, life really is better in the Light.

Choose light my friends, even when the darkness is overpowering. The light is closer than you think, and if you're blessed like me, there are people in your life just waiting to take you by the hand and lead you to a safe spot in the grass, where the light can shine on your face and you too can enjoy your time in the sun.

Sending you all love and sunshine.

-Emily

Opportunity for great JOY

Mitchell and I are on our way home to Minnesota for spring break! Yay! I'm so excited to be headed home to where, ironically, it's actually warming than the current temperatures in Nashville! :)

It surprised us both how busy the airport is at 5am on a Saturday morning, then we remembered it is spring break time and everyone is dying to get somewhere warmer. Not many go to Minnesota seeking warmth, but alas, here we are. I'm flying with Randy today!

Sitting at our gate, I decided it was as good a time as any to do my daily devos and reading from Jesus Calling. A passage from James spoke to me today:

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For we know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." -James 1:3-4

I can't think of a time in my life when my faith has been tested more than its been tested these last few months without my dad. I've questioned and been angry; I've been depressed and sad, but I've also been able to feel joy because of the memories I have in my heart. It challenges me so deeply when the Bible says to consider this trial an opportunity for great joy. How in the world does that make any sense?

Then I skimmed down to the commentary of these verses and what that said brought tears to my eyes.

"The point is not to pretend to be happy when we face pain but to have a positive outlook because of what troubles can produce in our life."

Now THAT makes sense! Suddenly, this new perspective on these verses lifted this huge weight off of my shoulders created by this notion that in order to be a good Christian witness, I had to pretend to be happy even amidst the deep pain I feel every single day. How wrong I was about that!

I don't have to pretend to be happy about the loss of my dad. Let me just tell you, I'm SO not happy about it. I'm nowhere near happy about it! But, it is important to have a positive outlook despite our circumstances. There is opportunity for faith to grow from pain. You know who helps me keep this positive perspective and lives out this growing faith? My mom.

She's not at all happy with this card we were dealt either, but she is clinging to the Lord with all of her might and keeps things so positive by talking about all of the good memories we had, and the faithfulness of God throughout this time. Our faith has been tested without a doubt, but it's also been a blessing to see and feel our faith grow deeper.

How much deeper our faith has become, and that gives my heart so much joy. Joy that doesn't even make sense! Because of this joy, I can smile when I think of my dad. Because of this joy, I can cry happy tears thinking of the day when I get to see him again. Thank you Jesus for this opportunity for great joy!

I am weak; He is strong

I can't believe it is already that time of the semester where we're all cramming and studying for midterms! Midterms! That means only 8 weeks left of my entire college career. Let me take a moment to really let that sink in......

Not only is it midterms time, but I developed what is shaping up to be the worst cold I've had in a long, long time. It took me by surprise after a long weekend in Florida with Matthew, mom and Carmen.

I guess I should be thankful that I didn't have to spend the entire weekend in bed sick, but still, I find myself asking the question, "God, WHY do I have to be sick this week?" Pick any other week and I'll deal with this cold as just a minor inconvenience, but this week....it's all together too much for me to handle. I need to be spending time studying, NOT sleeping and blowing my nose every 10 seconds! Then, I end up stressing about how much I have to do and how I feel too sick to get it all done. I sound like a whiney baby don't I?

Then, it hit me while I was sitting feeling sorry for myself. I was regressing back into one of my old habits of relying on my own strength instead of God's supernatural strength. It happens every once in while. I get this idea in my head that I can do this whole life thing on my own. Not true.

I'm starting to see this week in a different light. Perhaps its a lesson God is trying to teach me by giving me no other option but to rely solely on Him. He knew that this cold at this time would leave me with no choice but to completely rely and trust in Him to get me through. When I am weak, He is my strength. When I am sick, He is my healer. When I am stressed, He is my peace.