In ALL Things....Give Thanks

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I'll be honest. Today, this Thanksgiving morning, I didn't wake up in a thankful mood. This is the first Thanksgiving without my dad, and that is not something I'm thankful for. You can not even imagine how much we all miss him. I had to sneak away at several points yesterday to lock myself in an empty bedroom to call Mitchell and just cry. And I cried hard. During one of my meltdowns, I blubbered through my tears, "the more and more family members that show up, the more and more I notice that my dad is missing." I woke up in the middle of the night thinking, "it's not fair." It's not fair that there are families out there who get to spend Thanksgiving with their dad. It's not fair.

But then God quietly whispers to me a Bible verse I've come to know well. "In ALL things, give thanks." In ALL things, in EVERY circumstance. But HOW can I give thanks for losing my dad? That is not something I'm thankful for. As I sat there contemplating what God had just whispered to me, it hit me like a lightbulb. This verse, based on 1 Thessalonians 5:18, doesn't say FOR every circumstance, give thanks, it says IN every circumstance, give thanks. So on this day, in this circumstance, I give thanks.

I give thanks for the incredible gift my mom and dad gave me, the gift of life.
I give thanks for my mother, who continues to amaze and inspire me with her courage, strength, and faith in the Lord.
I give thanks for my older brother Tyler, who serves as my voice of reason and strong rock!
I give thanks for my younger brother Matthew, who serves as my daily test of patience, but is a shining example of what it means to be loyal. He is the most loyal person I know.
I give thanks for my sister Carmen who challenges me daily to keep a positive attitude about life.
I give thanks for my cousins, aunts, and uncles who have been there to support and love us!
I give thanks for my amazing fiancé Mitchell. I can't imagine going through this without him. And when I think about our life together and the things we have to look forward to, it fills my heart with so much hope!
I give thanks for my friends who have proven to be true as they have been there every step of the way!
I give thanks for my 2nd family, the Steeles, who have been praying for us and loving us all the way from Pennsylvania and Georgia!
I give thanks for the 21 years I got to be my dad's daughter.
I give thanks for the way he taught us all how to love.
I give thanks for the memories we shared with him, and the lessons he taught us.
I give thanks for Jesus, and the sacrifice he made on the cross for us. It is because of Jesus, my dad is spending this Thanksgiving in heaven! It is because of Jesus, we will ALL get to see my dad again.
I give thanks for this faith we have in heaven and the eternal life that awaits each one of us who choose to believe and trust in Jesus!


"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Love HURTS

Love hurts. I thought I knew what this statement meant. But there's something I've come to learn over these last few weeks. What I thought I knew was only a glimpse, a taste of what it really meant to love so much it hurts. Love hurts. Boy, does it ever. I love my dad so much it hurts. I miss my dad so much it hurts! It all just hurts.

But then I think.....what an incredibly blessing it is that I was given the ability, the gift to love someone this much. How amazing is it that I was able to love my dad so much that it hurts? I can't imagine not being able to love like this. Love HURTS. And I'm glad it does. So even though I feel an incredible amount of pain, I wouldn't want you to take the pain away even if you could. The pain is my reminder of how much I love my dad. Even though I wish I didn't have to feel this loss, I'm glad I hurt so bad, because that means that I must've really, really loved my dad. Can you imagine if I would be in my position right now and NOT feel what I'm feeling? How tragic would that be! We all hurt right now because we love my dad! Love HURTS. The pain I feel is so deep because my love for him is so deep. I wouldn't trade the deepness of it all for anything.

It makes one wonder, what I'm feeling right now is this deep, intense love for one person, for my dad. What Jesus did, the pain he endured, because of his love not just for one person, but for every single person. Imagine the incredible amount of pain he felt, not only being nailed to the cross, but the pain in his heart because of the amount of love He has. It is because of His deep and intense love that I am allowed to love at all. For that amazing gift, I am truly thankful. Because of JESUS, and God's great love for me, I know what it means when I say, "love HURTS!"

Thank you, Lord for letting me love my dad SO MUCH! THANK YOU for letting me love so much that it hurts.

This Isn't OUR Story

This past weekend, my mom, Matthew, and I spent some time in Nashville. Mom had originally planned a trip to come visit Mitchell and I, but after everything that happened with dad, it turned into a more, "mini move" home. I'm planning to spend the rest of the semester at home! That in itself is a blessing! I was able to meet with professors, figure out my life at school, and just spend some time in Nashville. I can't speak for mom and Matthew, but I know that I felt a little out of my element leaving home. For several weeks, it was really our safe zone, our own little bubble. I told my mom that being in public made me feel like I was in one of those nightmares where I would show up to school naked! I felt exposed and uncomfortable to say the very least. I was excited to see Mitchell, who had been back in Nashville for a few days, but leaving home was harder than I think any of us expected it to be.

As we went through the motions of airport security, my feelings of unease disappeared as soon as a man working for TSA stopped me and said, "you're the family from the news!" as he pointed to my Run with Randy jacket I had on. A little confused, I looked down and saw what he was pointing to and realized he knew we were the family who had lost their father and were now Running with Randy! He continued by saying, "I'm so sorry for your loss" and proceeded to tell me how inspired he was by our story. I could not believe it! Was this real life?! Even the TSA officers knew our story? How amazing is that?! Run with Randy really is spreading! Praise God!

Throughout our weekend in Nashville, several other individuals asked us what the "Run with Randy" stitched on our jackets meant. We were blessed with the opportunity to share dad's story with all of my professors and Belmont, and all of Mitchell's co-workers at Capitol who knew that I had lost my dad, but had no idea that Run with Randy was a cause we had started. We felt so blessed to be able to share this story with those people who asked. Here are some pictures of our trip!

Some say its our story to share, but it really isn't. This whole thing, dad's passing away, organ donation, Run with Randy, the overwhelming amount of family and community support, its all God's story. And I think He has written it so beautifully! Even though there is an incredible amount of pain involved, the many blessings we've seen as a result of this tragedy have left us amazed at the faithfulness and sovereignty of the God we serve. THAT'S the point of this story. That is what we want people to take away from this- that God is GOOD, and He LOVES us, and we KNOW where my dad is right now!

A sweet and dear friend of mine recently asked if she could share our story with one of her classes. She said she too had been SO inspired by our story and faith throughout all of this! I told her the same thing I have told so many of you who say the same thing about our faith being inspiring. THANK YOU so much for sharing that with us, it really encourages us to press on! But, what I also told her was, we are clinging to our faith so tightly because it is all we have! It is something my dad taught us in the way he lived his life. Our faith in God really will see us through any situation. I'm so thankful that God is using our situation to touch so many of you. It really is humbling.

We want YOU to be involved in this journey, and a part of the story that God is writing RIGHT NOW! Help us spread the word! Want your own Run with Randy gear? Let us know!! (email runwithrandy@gmail.com) Tell your friends to join Club 8:06 and pray with us every morning! Follow us on Twitter, and like us on Facebook! Share the story of an amazing man, and let's leave a legacy of hope and healing through Run with Randy!

The Next Time I See Dad

I'm missing my dad so much today, I can hardly even stand it. I was laying awake last night thinking about things, wondering how people live the rest of their lives with this painful, gaping wound in their heart. I have to believe that God makes us stronger day by day, and ever so slowly, gives us the strength to get by. Still, the longer he is gone, the more and more I miss him. From where I am now, my heart won't be able to handle it. I'm praying that God gives me the strength I need. The pain of missing him is overwhelming and painful. Instead of thinking all about that, I tried to focus my heart on the next time I see my dad, and all of the things I'll say and do. While I still miss him terribly, it gives my heart joy to think about the next time I get to see my dad!

The next time I see dad...................he will be alive and well.
The next time I see dad...................he won't be hooked up to any machines or tubes.
The next time I see dad...................he won't be in pain.
The next time I see dad...................he'll be able to smile back at me.
The next time I see dad...................he'll hear me when I say "I love you."
The next time I see dad...................he'll be able to say, "I love you too Em."
The next time I see dad...................he won't be laying in a hospital bed.
The next time I see dad...................he will show me all the people he saved through organ donation.
The next time I see dad......he will introduce me to his mother who went to heaven before I was born.
The next time I see dad...................he'll introduce me to my Aunt Susan.
The next time I see dad.....we'll go back and re-live my wedding day and he'll show me he was there.
The next time I see dad...................we'll finally have our daddy/daughter dance.
The next time I see dad...................his hands won't be swollen to twice their normal size.
The next time I see dad...................his hands will feel just like they used to around mine.
The next time I see dad...................he'll squeeze back when I am holding onto his hand.
The next time I see dad...................he'll pull me close when I snuggle up under his arm.
The next time I see dad...................he'll hug me fiercely the way he used to whenever he saw me.
The next time I see dad.......he'll say "I'm sorry" for when I sat at his bed and begged him to wake up.
The next time I see dad...................he'll show me why he had to leave to go to heaven so soon.
The next time I see dad.......I'll tell him I'm sorry for all the ways I disappointed him or let him down.
The next time I see dad...................I'll thank him for giving Mitchell his father's blessing.
The next time I see dad...................I'll thank him for treating me like his princess.
The next time I see dad...................he'll tell me how much he loves his grandchildren.
The next time I see dad...................he'll tell me how me watches over them from heaven.
The next time I see dad...................I'll thank him for all he did for me.
The next time I see dad...................I'll thank him for teaching me to love like Jesus.
The next time I see dad...................I'll thank him for giving me my first Bible.
The next time I see dad...................I'll tell him thank you for teaching me the way to heaven.
The next time I see dad...................I'll tell him how much I love him!
The next time I see dad...................I'll thank him for being such a wonderful father and friend to me.
The next time I see dad...................I'll cry tears of joy, not sadness.
The next time I see dad...................all the pain of missing him will be gone forever.
The next time I see dad...................my heart won't be broken from the loss of him.
The next time I see dad...................I will never have to be without him ever again.
The next time I see dad...................I will be by his side forever.
The next time I see dad...................I'll thank him for choosing my mama so well.
The next time I see dad...............I'll tell him how proud of am of her strength, grace and faith in God.
The next time I see dad...................he'll tell me how beautiful she is, and I will agree with him!
The next time I see dad...................I'll be able to Run with Randy in the clouds and streets of gold!
The next time I see dad...................We will sing together with all of the angels.
The next time I see dad...................he will lead me to the arms of Jesus and to the throne of God.
The next time I see dad...................we will spend eternity worshipping our Savior and King!

The Blessing of Family

It's been a week since my father went home to be with Jesus. In many ways I feel as though this hole in my heart has been there a lot longer than that. In other ways, I feel as if this week has literally flown by because of the many things to do this week and all of the people around our house.

Losing my dad has been the single most gut-wrenching, excruciating, horribly painful experiences of my entire life. I can't even begin to think about it because the pain threatens to completely paralyze me. The fact is, I'm not ready to openly share about it all yet. What I do want to share with you is one of the many blessings I have witnessed as a result of the worst event of my life. Yes, I did say blessings because even though time has been awful, there have been many blessings along the way. As I feel led, I will be sharing them. One of the biggest blessings was the graceful way in which two families were joined as one with a bond that God himself sealed and made to last forever.

When we were up in Fargo when dad was in the hospital, we stayed at my Uncle Steve and Aunt Darlene's house. I'm so beyond grateful we had a home to stay at instead of a hotel. Even now I believe wholeheartedly that they were acting as angels that week. They stayed at the hospital with us and often times gave us guidance when the medical terminology was too much for us to understand. But even more than that, it was so comforting coming home to a home-cooked meal, our dog Max, the warmth of a fireplace, a hot bubblebath and massage, and the welcoming embrace of two family members who love my dad as much as I do. My uncle Steve and aunt Darlene are one of the many blessings that God gave us during this time. We will always remember everything they did for us and how they walked along side us every step of the way.

It's not that the Berndt's and the Sipe's didn't know each other before this. They did. We've been together for various events such as graduations and other holidays and events. However, those events have never bonded us the way in which these last couple of weeks have. I can't really describe what it means to us knowing that our two families have merged into one big loving support system. It's amazing to see God's hand in uniting us in such a deep way. And while I wish with all of my heart that my dad was still here, there is no denying that God is working for our God even in this horribly tragic situation.

I have never in my life experienced death this close to home. It's completely shocking and scary to be honest. Now I know why you need so many people around in these times because all I want to do is lay around and cry. Having so many people around helps keep our spirits up.

My cousin Kate perhaps said it best. She walked up to my uncle Steve and said, "I've always known you guys but not like this. I've really grown to love you. Will I ever see you again?" To that, my uncle and aunt said that of course we would see each other again! I'm so glad it's not just me who feels that this bond was made between the Sipe's and the Berndt's. I really hope it lasts forever. I was telling Mitchell the night after dad's funeral. I said how I really honestly felt like I have one family now instead of a "mom's side" and a "dad's side". Again, I see this as another HUGE blessing.

Another huge blessing that I cannot forget to mention....having Mitchell's mother and father here for the week. I was surprised by how hard I cried when I saw them! I was so happy they were here and I know Mitchell was as well. One of the many things that breaks my heart about all of this is the fact that his parents never had the blessing of meeting my dad. Boy, do I feel sorry for anyone who didn't know him! But at the same time, they were able to hear story after story about how kind, loving, caring, and faithful my dad was. They were able to witness the impact my dad had on not just our family, but our entire community. They were able to experience the deep love my family has for my dad and for each other. Also, they were able to meet the rest of the family this week, so now the wedding will be a, "hey, good to see you again!" instead of a "nice to meet you." This is something we are definitely counting as another blessing.

I'm so grateful to God for the way in which he is working for the good of us all, even in this painful experience of losing our dad. I'm beyond amazed by the way in which he brought our family together so beautifully and bonded us in such a real and deep way. When I think ahead to our next big family event, it will probably be Mitchell and I's wedding. While that day still brings tears to my eyes because I know that my dad won't be there in person, I'm so thankful that our family was brought together now to make our wedding day even more special.

Our family not only knows each other now, they love each other. How extremely fitting that it was dad who brought us together like this. He's still teaching us how to love! This whole experience has taught me the importance of family. There are so many things in life that we pour so much time and energy into that just don't matter. Our faith in God and our family (and friends that are like family!) are the things that are getting us through this, and they are what truly matter.

Praise be to God for the gift of family! I'm so thankful for the blessings. I truly feel that I have one big family now, whether you are a Sipe or a Berndt, or a Lesnar or a Friebe, it doesn't really matter. We all have one thing in common, we love Randy Berndt, and together, we are Team Randy!

There are many more blessings, and as I feel led, I will share more. But for now, do me a favor and go hug your dad and tell him you love him.