Hello from MN!
Honestly, there’s so much to update and I can’t even begin to dive into it all right now. There was just a small story from today that I just had to write before I forgot any of the details. I promise, more updates to come soon!
Today was a hard day of teaching. I”ve been in my new classroom for 3 weeks now and it’s the usual- testing the new teacher and surveying her weak spots. Nothing I didn’t expect. Usually I’m strong enough to handle anything the 4-5 year olds throw my way. Usually.
Today, I just wasn’t. I’m not sure if it was my previous post about my dad and the experience I had yesterday. It makes me emotional whenever I think of the connection he and I have with teaching. It’s special to me, and I know it would’ve been special to him too.
So it could’ve been my post from this morning and the tenderness of that experience, or just one of those “weepy” days. I’m not sure. But for whatever reason, I forgot my thick skin at home, and today was extremely emotional for me in and out of the classroom. I was taking what my 5 year olds were saying to me personally. I somehow forgot that they’re just kids learning how to respect others.
It didn’t help things that Phil Collins “You’ll Be in My Heart” started playing in the classroom and I remembered it being my dad’s FAVORITE Disney song of all time. I teared up during a game of Uno and had to try my best to not start sobbing in front of a sweet 5 year old girl who probably would’ve just gone to get me a tissue. She’s so sweet.
My break could not come soon enough! I barely made it to my car when I just had to let the stress and frustration of the day, mixed with the emotion and tenderness of thinking so much about my dad hit me. And boy, it hit me. I just started driving just to drive, and as I did, I let myself release the cry that was weighing so heavy on my heart. There’s something very therapeutic about a good cry that’s been building up and starts to weigh you down. I call these the “necessary cries”.
Call me cheesy or whatever but I decided to turn on the Phil Collins Tarzan song and it ended up being the right call. Because although it made me cry even harder, I realized that the song has even more special meaning to me now. It is no longer just my dad’s favorite Disney song, but it’s as if it is his message to me, and to all of his loved ones. I listened to it probably 4 times in a row with this perspective and instead of making me feel sad and depleted, it made me feel stronger and stronger.
“This bond between us can't be broken. I will be here. Don't you cry. Cause you'll be in my heart. Yes, you'll be in my heart from this day on now and forever more.”
There will be hard days obviously. Sometimes inside the classroom, other times outside. But today was yet another reminder that Jesus sees us in those moments, and He sends us the messages we need to hear, right when we need them most.
And I’m so thankful that there is a saint in heaven championing me on in whatever it is I do with the life I am given.
#RunwithRandy
“When destiny calls you. You must be strong. I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on.”
