Moving Forward is Good

As a part of my normal nightly routine, I went back to our bedroom where it is quite, plugged in my new diffuser (loving it!) and grabbed my journal, Bible, and began to read through one of my devotions. I can always count on these 10 minute writings to speak some sort of truth into my life and heart, and it always promotes a sense of calm in me when I'm leaning over the pages of God's word. However, the truth that was given to me tonight not only spoke to my heart, it pierced my heart in the best way possible and resounded into a very deep place. I practically shouted for joy and praise when I had this realization of just how present and protective our God is. 

The teaching was about hurrying, you know the hot topic these days of being "too busy" and trying to not rush through life. Don't get me wrong, it's a very valid point and it's a very important lesson for all of us to learn. But I've read so many teachings and blog posts and books on this subject of trying to find perspective in the craziness of life.

More than I care to admit, life causes me to ask these sorts of questions and have these sort of thoughts: "What step should I take next? Where am I going in life? What was I created to do? What was the point of all that painful stuff I went through in my past? I'm so ashamed that I did that. I'm so embarrassed that that happened to me."

Now can you see where my potential for anxiety comes from? My "need to know" obsession with what the future holds for me, as well as pain, regret, shame, and discontent with what has happened to me in the past, yes these are things I think about from time to time.  But I have a feeling I'm not the only one (Please tell me I'm not alone in this!)

It's true that I'm in a season of life where God has intentionally and radically slowed me down. After graduation, after the wedding, I jumped full force into married life, working a job in RETAIL (I love shopping retail, I now know I don't enjoy working it) and still had many unresolved issues of grief, depression, trauma, and anxiety to deal with. For those of you that have already heard that story, you know its a long one. Rather than get into it all again, check out my post My Own Understanding here to get yourself caught up on that part of my journey.

Where was I? Oh, right. In the season where I was slowed down. In many ways it was beautiful. I had so much time to refocus and heal emotionally, I was able to really grow closer to Mitchell, and I was able to really spend a lot more time studying God's Word and growing more and more in my faith and relationship with Him. Such a blessing in that regard! I love what I was able to experience because of Jesus in this time. I took some time off working and just really started taking care of myself and of my new husband. :) What felt like full days to me at the time, were free of one thing......hurry. They were free of hurry. Finally, I had a time in my life where I didn't feel rushed to get into the next thing and I didn't feel like I needed to quick figure anything out. God really taught me the importance of just being. 

It was a time I will be forever grateful for. But as I'm sitting here, looking back, ready to head into a new season, one where I dip my toes in other things to fill my time, I started serving on Sunday mornings in Cross Point Kids Ministry. Those kiddos give my heart so much joy!! I also volunteer with the CP staff two days a week. I can't even begin to describe how happy I am to be back in that environment, being a part of a ministry and a church community that I love. I'm so thankful God had this opportunity to volunteer and serve for me. That's what I'm currently doing now. So you can about guess what I'm about to ask....."what's next?"

I don't think it's all bad to look forward to the future. I don't. It's when we RUSH into the future guns blazing and blow right past the pace that God is leading us, that's when we get into trouble. Case and point- what happened to me at the beginning of the summer. I rushed into what I thought I needed to do and it turned out, it wasn't God's best for me. Lesson learned the hard way.

What I've learned is that moving forward is good. It's scary, but it's necessary.

Looking back is good, too. Looking back is the only way I'm able to trust my unknown future to a known God. I see time and time again where He has proven Himself loving and faithful to me and to others in my life. If I didn't take the time to notice God's faithfulness in my past, it makes trusting Him with my future a lot harder. Additionally, I don't think it's bad to look back and to reflect and remember our past. When we get stuck in regret and shame from the past, that's a different story, but once we're healed from the pain of our past, it's okay to look back and remember the lessons it taught us and reflect on the memories we have.

So here I stand, 22 years old, freshly graduated, newly married, feeling stronger, ready to move forward. I have been dipping my toes in the water, taking baby half steps towards the future God has for me. Ever so gently, I feel God nudging me along, increasing the pace at which I'm moving. At the beginning of the summer, it was slow, like "get out of bed before 2pm and you're winning" slow. But then it started moving to where I was able to get out of the house, volunteer, serve, meet up with old friends, and eventually, be brave enough to meet new people, step into new situations. I was moving forward without even really realizing I was doing it. 

As I was sitting here reading my devotional for the night, I started reflecting and thinking about all of this, and what it really means to me as a follower of Christ. A verse from Isaiah was highlighted, and this is what I was talking about when I said it pierced me. It pierced me so deeply, it motivated me to devote an entire blog post to it. Simply journaling about it wasn't enough.

It says in Isaiah 52:12 "You will not leave in a hurry, running for your lives. For the LORD will go ahead of you; yes, the God of Israel will protect you from behind." 

God goes ahead of me. He is the one leading me, yes, but time and time again, I think I see where He's leading me, and I think "oh, yeah. I know the way now, I know where I'm going" and I rush way ahead and go go go as fast as I can to try and get to where I think I'm supposed to go. Once I think I know the way, I go for it with abandon. Tonight, this verse spoke convicting truth to my heart: not only does God go before me to show me the way; God goes before me to set the pace. God sets the RIGHT pace of my life. His pace isn't going to be so fast that I become drained. He establishes a pace of life that is going to be best for me. I can set the pace just fine for myself, but like it usually is with running, I usually start out too fast and end up going a pace I can't sustain for very long. I get burned out. That's not how God's pace setting works. He knows what I can and cannot handle. I'm perfectly fine letting Him set the pace for my life because I've seen life at my own pace and it was a hurried and exhausted mess. 

The verse also says that God follows behind me. Yes, God is so powerful and so beyond our understanding, and He can actually be in more than 1 place at 1 time. He can go ahead and also be there to protect me from behind. (Wait, how cool is that?!) With God following behind me, that means that nothing from my past is able to sneak up on me. Not if I'm trusting God to be my protection. I'm still able to look back and see the lessons, I can still see the memories. God is there behind me to make sure I don't get stuck in one place. He is there to encourage and guide me along and He keeps me moving forward.

What encouraging truth!! God promises to go before me, to blaze the trail, and set the pace, but he also follows behind me to make sure I don't get preoccupied in the past and keeps my feet moving forward AT HIS PACE. Wow. This lesson could not have come at a better time in my life. As I stand here, I'm on the brink of something new....I can feel it. 

I'm stronger than I was.

I'm ready for what God has planned for me. 

I'm ready for what's next. 

I'm finally moving forward.

I'm so grateful that I get to share my journey with you, friends. Thank you for following along. 

With so much gratitude for what's behind and abundant joy for what's ahead, 

Emily