I’m starting to sound like a broken record. It seems as if all I’m able to do is talk about my anxiety and depression. How hard it is. How much it hurts. How I can’t seem to shake it. That’s all true, but you know what else is true? I am sick of talking about it. I am sick sick sick of it.
Perhaps it’s time for a new philosophy, a new outlook on these struggles. I know I'm not the only one to experience these things. So, it is my prayer that what I’ve been coming to learn will help so many others who wrestle and struggle with life.
We’ve all heard the saying, “there’s freedom in the letting go!” This is true! So so true! There’s freedom in not letting anxiety, depression, fear, or whatever other struggle you have control your life. There IS freedom in letting these go and surrendering to God!
While there is this amazing freedom unlike any other, we tend to shy away from talking about the one thing that goes along with that freedom…...responsibility.
This was all birthed out of a conversation I had with Mitchell a few weeks back. We were out on a walk on a beautiful sunny day. We had been walking in quiet for several moments when I commented on how I had been feeling better and better lately, able to experience the highs and lows of life feeling more like myself that I had in awhile. I could tell this made him happy to hear and he said, “you’ve had more freedom in the highs, and more responsibility in the lows.” I thought about that for a second and realized how deeply profound and incredibly accurate that short, simple phrase was.
Freedom in the highs. Responsibility in the lows.
For maybe the first time in my life, I came to the realization that I am in control of how I deal with the lows of life. I can either A.) focus on what I can control and what has been proven to make me feel better or help me cope or B.) sit in bed, cry, and think about how awful it is and let the wave of self pity wash over me and let the black hole of depression suck me in. It's taken some maturing to want to be a grownup and take responsibility. But I finally realized that I had these 2 options. Just because I've struggled with depression and anxiety doesn't mean I automatically have to be miserable. In taking on the responsibility of my own health and emotional load (sometimes overload) I've been experiencing a new freedom unlike any other I’ve experienced.
As I've been on a journey of learning how to better manage my emotional health and taking steps to be proactive and do things that positively impact my emotional outlook and physical health, I've learned something. What if what I'm experiencing is not so much me experiencing depression but me experiencing real life in a broken world? Real life comes with highs and life comes with lows. You can't experience one without the other, at least not in this life. Maybe me not feeling in control of how I felt and not wanting to get out of bed was really just me not wanting to take responsibility to change how I felt in my lows? 1
Maybe I'm not supposed to experience nothing but happy feelings and highs this side of heaven....
What I realized was this: I’ve been understanding this struggle all wrong.
You see, all along, I’ve been uber focused and depressed over the things I simply cannot control. Instead of living up to my responsibility to the things I can control. After all, that’s what depression is, an overwhelmingly hopeless feeling we have over the things that happen in our life that are far beyond our control.
Here’s the bottom line: I’m never going to like not being in control. Thankfully, God knows this about me and He has empowered me to take control over certain aspects of my life. The problem is knowing what is ours and what isn’t. Seeking wisdom and counsel has helped me discern in this process.
Examples of things I myself can control:
- Whether or not I choose to spend time in God’s word and in prayer. God doesn’t force me to do this, and He doesn’t force Himself on me. It’s up to me whether I let Him in and acknowledge Him in my daily life.
- What I choose to think about and what I turn my mind from. Do I focus and obsess over positive or negative things?
- What I do to take care of my body such as eating right and exercising. There’s this saying that food is the most abused anxiety drug and exercise is the most underused antidepressant.
- Whether or not I choose to notice the good things and be grateful or focus on the bad things and grumble. It is so true that a thankful heart is a happy heart! Find a way to express your gratitude for the good things in life.
- Do I retreat and seclude myself from others or do I engage with my family and friends and allow their joy to fill me up? As an introvert, I tend to want to be alone with a struggle, but the times when I allow myself to be around other people who care about me, it's done wonders for a crappy mood.
These simple things have the power to change my whole entire life for the better! And what’s even better? I have been entrusted control over all of them! I’ve been given freedom in having a choice so it’s up to me whether or not I take responsibility for the things I can control, which in turn, has a dramatic effect on my life spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Here’s a basic truth for all of us: feeling out of control just breeds anxiety and depression. But trusting God to handle his part and taking responsibility for what He has entrusted to me leads to freedom. Freedom and responsibility go hand in hand.
Making the choice to DO these things has changed my entire outlook and life philosophy. I used to believe God was making me struggle or He was absent from my life. God wasn’t refusing to help me and God wasn’t absent. No, what I realized was that God was there the whole time telling me that He had already given me everything I needed. He was there the whole time patiently waiting for me to realize that I was failing to hold up my end. He had already done His part and was waiting for me to claim the power He had already given me. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “ for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” The Spirit of God living inside of you and me has given us power! It’s our responsibility to claim that. The GOOD news?? God NEVER leaves us on our own to handle it. He just knows what He’s put inside of us and the potential we have. He’s right there pulling it out of the depths of my heart:
And the BEST news?? Through Christ, we can do all things (Philippians 4:13) and in Jesus, we are MORE than conquerors!!! (Romans 8:37)
Thank you Jesus! Give me the grace I need to surrender and experience freedom, and the courage and self-control to take responsibility for what you’ve entrusted to me. Amen!!!
Have questions or comments about my struggle or what you've read here?
Feel free to contact me! Let's talk about it.
1 An afterthought:
Let me clear something up right now, this is not me saying I didn't struggle with depression and I’m not questioning any of you readers who have or are struggling. There was a time when my medicine was needed to help me cope and be able to deal with what I needed to deal with. I'm just thinking out loud that maybe it's time I take over responsibility for both the highs and the lows of life. After all, with great responsibility comes great freedom. And to me, the trade off is more than worth it.
